Saturday, November 14, 2009

Running For The Door!

Tomorrow
Tomorrow keeps me pacing in the current state.
Pressuring me to pursue
something, someone, somewhere.

Today
Today keeps me blinded
folding it's hands over my face to cover my eyes.
Telling me to guess who.

Yesterday
Yesterday keeps me sane.
Allows me to listen.
Allows me to speak.

These days are blurry
so difficult to comprehend
where they start
where they end.

I despise this unavoidable absence
of everything, of everyone.
I've no sense of direction.
I'm lost for what seems, for ever more.

But tomorrow keeps calling me closer.
Keeps knocking at my door.
Telling me I am bigger
Telling me I am better
Telling me I am more.

Today your so lonely
Yesterday your so satisfied
but always in such strange retrospect.

You and me
always conversing
about the change.
The change we are
And the change we need.

All these days
go by and
I want them back
every time they've passed.

I despise this unavoidable absence
of everything, of everyone.

What a peculiar person I have become.
Afraid of what I love.
It's the worst kind of ache.
It's my everyday.
It's my nights.

It's tonight.
Oh, it's tonight!

Starving!

Suffer please
just release
your cautions.

Suffer please
just unfasten
your comfort.

Suffer please
Liberate yourself.
Suffer please
Do this for me.

Walk
the same direction
in which you
Talk!

Live
a life
that's less
a lie!

Suffer please
Starve yourself.
Suffer please
Scare yourself.

Suffer please
take charge,
create change,
Suffer please.

Suffer
Suffer please
Suffer
for your dreams!

Suffer
Suffer please
for me.
Suffer
Suffer please
for you.

An Affirmation.

Never go
without me on your mind.
I have to know
I'm always with you.

Never go
without me on your mind.
My heart won't
understand otherwise.

Never go
without me on your mind.
My body will ache
in your absence.

No you don't
have to be here
all the the time.
Just never go
without me on your mind.

I want some space
inside your brain.
I want some room
inside your soul.
I want to be that other part
to your heart.

Just let me know
You'll never go
without a piece of me inside

Causalities and Convenience

We're the royalty
of causalities
most especially you
you're the king of convenience

And this modern age
has left you
chasing graves.
And you'd kill me fast
If you thought it be best
for you.
Would you wear my skin
as a suit
If you thought that it
looked good on you?

Yet there is no reason to ask
I already know the answer
Whatever's good
Whatever's the most giving
Whatever produces the most desirable result

Cause you count your worth
in all the value you take
and you'll never fix
all the problems you have, honey
if you continue to view
you're life from this window.
You've got to open that door
step feet to the floor,
bare your own ground,
even if it's the least attractive
attribute of you.
You've got to motivate yourself
before you take the world down
with you.

We're the royalty
of casualties
most especially you
you're the king of convenience

And your heart's a flame,
about to turn to ash.
You better hurry fast,
if you want any progress
from here.

I'm not bitter
about your decision
to look opposite directions
but I'm advising you, dear
you better watch her closely
cause she's a devil in cheap disguise.
And she will have you chasing graves
and taking names.
All the while using her selfish
desperation and deception
through your window of truth.

And you'll never fix
all the problems you have, honey
if you continue to view
you're life from this window.
You've got to open that door,
step feet to the floor,
bare your own ground.

Don't be afraid to go without!
There is power in patience!
There is grace,
here,
waiting!

But
We're the royalty
of causalities
most especially you
you're the king of convenience.

And this modern age
has left you
chasing graves.
And you'd kill me fast
if you thought it be best
for you.
Would you wear my skin
as a suit
if you thought that it
looked good on you?

There is grace,
here,
waiting!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Hindsight

Remember when the world was wild and alive all upon it's own?
Remember when imaginary friends and tea parties were the highlights of your evenings?
Remember when you played tag and hide and go seek all day until it got dark outside, then you would run around the yard trying to catch lightening bugs.?
Remember when you would run off in the woods when things seems unsettling and you would pretend you were trying to survive on your own out in the wilderness?
Remember when you would take your journal out in the back yard and write because you were hurt and confused to be around anyone else?
Remember when you used to spend hours upon hours on the trampoline and you would make up all kinds of silly games to make it more interesting?
Remember when you used to play dress up and house and barbies and beauty pageant?
Remember when you used to go inside the dog houses?
Remember when you used to be fearless?
When you could do or say anything without a second thought?
Remember that feeling of absolute contentment?
That feeling of true freedom? That feeling of magnificent power that you held in your tiny body and shared with all you met?
Remember when you didn't have to ask yourself what to do and you already knew?
And there was no need to ask for anything because your mind was all you really needed.
Remember?
It's a difficult task my friend. To remember yourself as you were. Contemplating the conversations that would go on between the child in me and the adult. I don't really know what my thoughts are on myself these days. I'm too confused about the entirety of the world to keep all my attention on myself. I do know that I want to feel comfort, compassion, and contentment, much deeper than I do now. I feel most of it is my own fault. I push a lot of good out and have let a lot of bad in. I wish there was a physical time line in which I could reference to which point in my life I made decisions to morph. It is so gradual though the changes we induce that we could perhaps never recognize when and where it was taking place at all. C'est la vie!

"Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards"
-Soren Kierkegaard (My Favorite Philosopher)
____________________________________________________________________


JUST DAVEY
David Smith

wow. so, here's my take. when we were young, we had to face whatever came our way. the only thing we knew to do was turn to loved ones for help with those big things we couldn't face. now we're "free" and "on our own", we think we should deal with all these things alone, and many times become very antisocial trying to work out our problems. but, human beings need each other, we can't do it alone. and for some reason, when it comes down to it, we usually forget to rely on each other and turn to other coping methods(which never actually help or heal, more like numb and distract). i've experienced much of this "coping" since my journey back to missouri, as you already know, and sadly there are some things i still have not decided to face. i hope we can discuss this topic more in depth in the near future, as my good friend alexis snider would say "there is a lot more i could say" only for real this time, not the opposite. there are a couple things i never got to share with you while i was around town, and i think we could help each other out in magnificent ways.

much love, davey

Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 13, 2009 - Friday - 9:47 AM
[Reply to this]

Alexis
Alexis Snider

You are marvelous human being. I appreciate you so much even though it hasn't seemed like it lately. I do believe you are correct. Human beings do need each other because we are all one. We are all deeply intertwined so why do we try and pursue a life in which we are completely alone and 'independent'. Individuality is interesting while independence as an absolute is quite disheartening and yet we are told that is the way to go.

I am constantly struggling with my position in society. I find it a disgusting situation to be in but I am also aware that I understand things a little more clearly than most. As do you. We are friends for good reason.

A good in depth conversation over coffee with you would be a real cure these days. I forget how important it is to be around the people that bring you real joy. You do.

It's strange really the process of life. People go most of their lives working jobs they hate just so they can retire and then start their lives but I say to hell with that idea. I would much rather be a starving artist for the rest of my life. And deal with the gossip that it entails rather than suffer through the rest of my life wondering what if, what if I would have lived my life the way I wanted to rather than the way I am 'supposed' to.

Jesus is a good example. Lots of people thought he was crazy. Which is for good reason I mean most people don't go around claiming to be the son of god but regardless of that he lived his live by the absolute positive embrace of his heart and soul and ignored what the others would say because in the end he knew.

And I am not Jesus but I am well aware that there is much more to this life than being a stif. I want to be a happy person and I want to spread joy through out all the world by any mean possible. I want to make an impact even if it is just slight.

I will end this with a few quotes that have inspired me greatly.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson"

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Capsulize The Unseen

Where there is burden within or without,
I will do my best to destroy.
Where there is beauty within or without,
I will do my best to create.
For this power lies within us all,
It is my choice now to utilize.

I don't understand injustice.
And I doubt I ever will.
My soul understands most every desire,
and I relate so deeply with every compassion.
So I seek to find the cause towards,
your pain and mine, and to all of mankind.
We struggle within and without.
We debate day and night
until the end of time.

But does it have to, is it a must?
Does it have to be that way?
Are we just problems without solutions?
I believe in a world unseen.
And to be more precise I will explain,
that I believe in two worlds unseen.
I believe in the here and now
which can be so brilliant and ephemeral.
And I believe in the hereafter
which shall be far more steady
in it's pleasures.

I want to know so much of the world,
that I have yet to see.
And this wish is not mine alone.
Nothing I desire is merely mine.
Nothing is mine. I own nothing.
So nothing , in a tangible sense, motivates me.
And in this those that surround don't understand
but It is my soul that guarantees me this compliance
if they truly wish to see they can.

Perhaps it is by the mere fact of believing in something
that makes it so. If this is the ultimate truth,
then anything within or without
is not from our reach.

Regardless of what truth you seek,
you are seeking something
I can see that in your eyes.
And it pains you more than I
because you don't understand the desire.
You don't comprehend your need
for something so delicate.

This life is a light
fading as soon as it is lit.
It is my truest urge,
It is my deepest desire,
to find motivation in this.
To have the conscious that chooses
to create only beauty in the world.
To forget disasters and remember triumphs
of myself and every single soul.
For I can feel inside me, everything unseen.

I cannot hold onto the past,
As much as I want to.
It is not my salvation.
It is not my saving grace.
It was a beautiful story,
that I and only I got to live.
Perhaps my happiness
can bloom and arise
from the ashes of that tale.
I will miss it but
only reminiscing from here.

I want to shine a light.
I have been blocking since you.
But my pain shouldn't be another's reality
So I capsulize everything within these words.
Farewell my friend, my dark mistake.

Where there is burden within or without,
I will do my best to destroy.
Where there is beauty within or without,
I will do my best to create.
For this power lies within us all,
It is my choice now to utilize.
________________________________


JUST DAVEY
David Smith

there's a lot of darkness in here.
Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 10, 2009 - Tuesday - 10:09 PM
[Reply to this]

Alexis
Alexis Snider

Yes. This is probably one of the most personal blogs I have written.

Posted by Alexis on November 10, 2009 - Tuesday - 11:28 PM
[Reply to this]

Dookie Fresh!
Josh Marino

I like this one...prolly my favorite..it's really good...expecially because you are smaller than a normal person, but you seem to have a brain as big as a slightly taller person than yourself.
Posted by Dookie Fresh! on November 12, 2009 - Thursday - 2:02 PM
[Reply to this]

Alexis
Alexis Snider

Thank you!
Haha that was a funny comparative of the proportions of my brain size verses my height. Because usually shorter people are dumber you know!

Posted by Alexis on November 12, 2009 - Thursday - 2:36 PM
[Reply to this]

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Twenty1, 6ix, 1,2,3, 1,2,3!

I'm twenty1
I've got too much time to waste
these days on thoughts
that give me no peace.
My mind is full of fillers
trying desperately to understand
how I became this.
How I'm here awake
at six in the morn
waiting for the rest of the world
to wake.
And I've got to stay awake
cause it's far to early to sleep.
And I've got to get a job.
Cause that's what the man told me.
Now don't get me wrong.
I am no lazy gal
but I hate the way
you make me toil in trouble
for such a terribly lengthy time
and it could be till the day I die
till I see my dreams realized
cause you've got me far too worried
about survival now
And lately I don't even want that
I don't want to survive
Wish I would just perish
Sometimes I think I don't exist
That I'm imagining this loser.
But I see myself in the mirror
and I touch my face and hands
to clean them.
Either my imagination is the greatest
or I truly do exist.
How did I become so transfixed
on the same ideas
running, running,
pacing, dancing
back and forth
1,2,3, 1,2,3,
back and forth
in my head.
All the things I ponder
I could never explain
not in words
and that is a cryin' shame.
As much as I adore the spoken and the written
so little of what I know of you or him or her
is said. A lot of it is seen.
Most communication is deeper than speak.
It's more than physical but quite physical as well.
Whatever it doesn't matter.
I know I'll never really get inside of you.
_______________________________


JUST DAVEY
David Smith

i feel for you, i don't think many people understand what it's like to try so hard in life, and get such small return.
Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 10, 2009 - Tuesday - 9:49 PM
[Reply to this]

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Portrait Of A Burning House

Yearning seems to be a need these days your vision is so distorted.
You couldn't distinguish regardless of circumstance.
Born dirty and bloody into an evil world waiting savagely to eat you alive.
Still your the daring darling to believe in something sweeter!
How did you come to exist like this?

Captivated so completely by any thought you think to understand.
You convince yourself of a future that's just a luminous horizon away.
It's terrible dear, don't you see, the horizon always leaves you behind!
Even still if all your hopes and dreams were granted,
you'd contrive an excuse to destroy the very evidence you ever wanted
for something that was realized.
You always do, you always will.
Destroy the very thing that breathes you life.

But that is your predisposition in this fickle physical plane.
You'll doubt you know this or that it is a valid argument
but in truth it's your bitter breakdown.
Your empty flaccid gumbo of what surrounds you.

The person is best, to set themselves on fire,
For that destruction is less still than
the unavoidable damage they will eventually do
throughout their lifetime.
We are dammed. We are damned damaged goods!
Why, darling, do you deny your vices?
You know as well as I sooner than later
all good things must come to an end!

Roots

There was once a time when I used to be victimized to some strange rage. Within a man I loved and trusted as a root to my branches. He would yell and exclaim of my valueless existence, stare at me with red ravenous eyes of anger and always with a twinge of distaste in his breath, as he evolved repeatedly his hatred for me.
At the same time this very creature would pretend to nourish and encourage me as well as the rest of the family tree. But his lies were becoming unsteady with their foundations and it wasn't very much longer until they he was realized for all his falsities.
My mothering root understood he had been pretending to care all along. And in that, my mothering root of mine told me to go about and grow, nourish, and experience the world on my own. And I knew and trusted the words of this root for she was wise and truly inspiring to me. So I kept her wisdom close at hand as I began to wander this land.
And in retrospect, I've done nothing truly satisfying for myself that was more than temporary. It's become apparent that the ridiculous rage of that man had cut me down and deep. I think often about what I can do to experience life to an absolute fullness and richness on my own. And it's also often that I consider the pain I too inflict as a result of his infectious wrath.
It's when I'm allowed to be alone for months at a time that I stay awake too long and contemplate the mishaps I have undertook as my own. It starts to eat at me from the inside out.
Now I have come to conclusions that I know will do nothing but bless me and I have yet to act upon them. Most of my lethargy is a direct effect of the fear he has presented to me. It is fear of disposable and it is fear of disapproval.
I want to block the fear from my consciousness. I want to block the fear instead of the chances I haven't been taking. The chance to blossom into something magnificent all independently. I am a dreamer and I want to see it become my reality. I know I deserve a life more abundant in beauty than the one I continue to settle in.
____________________________________________________________________


JUST DAVEY
David Smith

that's right, you do.
Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 10, 2009 - Tuesday - 9:54 PM
[Reply to this]

Earth

I
believe
tonight
I'll
stare
silently
at
the
sky
I'll
watch
it
in
pious
fascination
as
the
night
turns
to day
beyond
any
brilliance
or
beauty
any
man
could
measure
is
the
natural
clock
tick
tocking
back
and
forth
from
day
to
night
and
night
to
day
as
the
sands
of
time
fall
within
that
hourglass
I
will
try
to
remember
to
understand
to
appreciate
and
finally
communicate
my
solid
joy
brought
about
from
that
bright
sun
that
blue
sky
that
dark
moon
that
green
forgiving
grass
those
leaves
changing
those
animals
roaming
home
home
home

________



JUST DAVEY
David Smith

absolutely awesome, i try hard to feel these things everyday
Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 10, 2009 - Tuesday - 9:57 PM
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