Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Things Change

I've gone through storms and I've walked through sunshine with you. But more often than not you turned on me. You'd just walk away. You told me to fend for myself. Find my own way home. And after years and years of pressure from the weight of the rain, the sleet, and snow, I start to regress. I start to need someone or something to feel complete. I start to feel like if forgiveness is in pictures and movies than I could easily mix up my own version. Something in my head. To make things more constructed and more worthwhile. So I wait. I wait for you to contact me. You do. It's like it always is. I let all the pain leave my body. I just know that I had and what I now have. I look at the present and do my best to forget the past.
So we start walking again. Walking and talking like two people should. Talking like friends and cheering each other on like fans. But then your eyes turn like twisters and you start holding me up. You start twisting your words and telling me this means that and that means this. And I start to doubt myself because you tell me what is true and what is false. So as far back as I can remember I've wanted to walk around with someone to trust. So I remember that and I remember the best of times and I forget that you mixed the meanings and I continue to walk through heavy storms and light sunshine with you. All hoping that I'm helping you and you are helping me. All believing that somehow we've discovered something true and something other's would easily be jealous of. I feel a truth between me and you. I often think about the level of honesty we had for each other. I often think about all I've said and all the truths that I expressed. And in many ways these thoughts make me shutter now. You would be telling everyone everything because you don't hold truth like I do. You don't hold secrets in your veins. If things go wrong you change tides. You turn into a monster and expect me to react like usual. Then you tell everyone else that I am the monster. Well we could both be monsters, were both human. But I know the biggest weight of this is within me. Cause I kept letting it grown. One day I see your eyes have remained like twisters for weeks. I start to fear your eyes. Then I start to fear you. One day you blow up. You rock back and forth like a chair and shout like I've done something wrong. I think of parents and children and remember the pain inside that I had so easily released. I was so hoping this would never happen again. I thought it was truth that we had. And I realize what I should have know from the beginning. Within the words of others. Stated by you. You never cared. You only wanted. So deep. But so wrong. So crooked. I could never walk with you through storms. I could never walk with you through even the brightest of sunshine again. And from all of this I have learned not only from you but within all the others. I have learned. There is truth you seek and truth that finds you. The truth that finds you is what you need and the truth you seeks was never real. Was never pure to start. So for all of you with thoughts tonight; full, impure, and burning, I must say forget them. Unleash yourself to the world. Because if you know who YOU are then that is all that matters. No thoughts tonight, so surrounded by the words of others. Remember only you will be judged for you and you alone. People are creatures of habit and desirous of everything. We all want so form of communication. So do your walking and it will find you. What is supposed to happen will fall into place. There is nothing so important yesterday that you must contemplate it today or tomorrow. The past is behind you and the future is yet to come. So breath in, breath out, and live for today, because no one will give you the punishment or the pleasure you truly deserve the instant you deserve it.

"so be cool, and believe, in the things you haven't learned
because you've lost and its gone but it will return.
now it's all laid out in front of you
and thats half murdered the mystery.
are you still too shy, to describe?
now the whole world is waking up,
a ribbon cut for the opening.
yes, finally the day has arrived.
so seek and rejoice, fill your hands with something tangible
and fly, your own love like a flag.
it's joy, the desire for that which is impossible, and accept what you get with a smile."
-bright eyes


i wear the black for the poor and the beaten down

this comment box was very hard to find. this blog made my day rainy.
sometimes i need a rainy day. thanks. love. davey.
Posted by i wear the black for the poor and the beaten down on
February 4, 2009 - Wednesday - 8:54 PM

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