At the same time this very creature would pretend to nourish and encourage me as well as the rest of the family tree. But his lies were becoming unsteady with their foundations and it wasn't very much longer until they he was realized for all his falsities.
My mothering root understood he had been pretending to care all along. And in that, my mothering root of mine told me to go about and grow, nourish, and experience the world on my own. And I knew and trusted the words of this root for she was wise and truly inspiring to me. So I kept her wisdom close at hand as I began to wander this land.
And in retrospect, I've done nothing truly satisfying for myself that was more than temporary. It's become apparent that the ridiculous rage of that man had cut me down and deep. I think often about what I can do to experience life to an absolute fullness and richness on my own. And it's also often that I consider the pain I too inflict as a result of his infectious wrath.
It's when I'm allowed to be alone for months at a time that I stay awake too long and contemplate the mishaps I have undertook as my own. It starts to eat at me from the inside out.
Now I have come to conclusions that I know will do nothing but bless me and I have yet to act upon them. Most of my lethargy is a direct effect of the fear he has presented to me. It is fear of disposable and it is fear of disapproval.
I want to block the fear from my consciousness. I want to block the fear instead of the chances I haven't been taking. The chance to blossom into something magnificent all independently. I am a dreamer and I want to see it become my reality. I know I deserve a life more abundant in beauty than the one I continue to settle in.