Friday, November 13, 2009

Hindsight

Remember when the world was wild and alive all upon it's own?
Remember when imaginary friends and tea parties were the highlights of your evenings?
Remember when you played tag and hide and go seek all day until it got dark outside, then you would run around the yard trying to catch lightening bugs.?
Remember when you would run off in the woods when things seems unsettling and you would pretend you were trying to survive on your own out in the wilderness?
Remember when you would take your journal out in the back yard and write because you were hurt and confused to be around anyone else?
Remember when you used to spend hours upon hours on the trampoline and you would make up all kinds of silly games to make it more interesting?
Remember when you used to play dress up and house and barbies and beauty pageant?
Remember when you used to go inside the dog houses?
Remember when you used to be fearless?
When you could do or say anything without a second thought?
Remember that feeling of absolute contentment?
That feeling of true freedom? That feeling of magnificent power that you held in your tiny body and shared with all you met?
Remember when you didn't have to ask yourself what to do and you already knew?
And there was no need to ask for anything because your mind was all you really needed.
Remember?
It's a difficult task my friend. To remember yourself as you were. Contemplating the conversations that would go on between the child in me and the adult. I don't really know what my thoughts are on myself these days. I'm too confused about the entirety of the world to keep all my attention on myself. I do know that I want to feel comfort, compassion, and contentment, much deeper than I do now. I feel most of it is my own fault. I push a lot of good out and have let a lot of bad in. I wish there was a physical time line in which I could reference to which point in my life I made decisions to morph. It is so gradual though the changes we induce that we could perhaps never recognize when and where it was taking place at all. C'est la vie!

"Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards"
-Soren Kierkegaard (My Favorite Philosopher)
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JUST DAVEY
David Smith

wow. so, here's my take. when we were young, we had to face whatever came our way. the only thing we knew to do was turn to loved ones for help with those big things we couldn't face. now we're "free" and "on our own", we think we should deal with all these things alone, and many times become very antisocial trying to work out our problems. but, human beings need each other, we can't do it alone. and for some reason, when it comes down to it, we usually forget to rely on each other and turn to other coping methods(which never actually help or heal, more like numb and distract). i've experienced much of this "coping" since my journey back to missouri, as you already know, and sadly there are some things i still have not decided to face. i hope we can discuss this topic more in depth in the near future, as my good friend alexis snider would say "there is a lot more i could say" only for real this time, not the opposite. there are a couple things i never got to share with you while i was around town, and i think we could help each other out in magnificent ways.

much love, davey

Posted by JUST DAVEY on November 13, 2009 - Friday - 9:47 AM
[Reply to this]

Alexis
Alexis Snider

You are marvelous human being. I appreciate you so much even though it hasn't seemed like it lately. I do believe you are correct. Human beings do need each other because we are all one. We are all deeply intertwined so why do we try and pursue a life in which we are completely alone and 'independent'. Individuality is interesting while independence as an absolute is quite disheartening and yet we are told that is the way to go.

I am constantly struggling with my position in society. I find it a disgusting situation to be in but I am also aware that I understand things a little more clearly than most. As do you. We are friends for good reason.

A good in depth conversation over coffee with you would be a real cure these days. I forget how important it is to be around the people that bring you real joy. You do.

It's strange really the process of life. People go most of their lives working jobs they hate just so they can retire and then start their lives but I say to hell with that idea. I would much rather be a starving artist for the rest of my life. And deal with the gossip that it entails rather than suffer through the rest of my life wondering what if, what if I would have lived my life the way I wanted to rather than the way I am 'supposed' to.

Jesus is a good example. Lots of people thought he was crazy. Which is for good reason I mean most people don't go around claiming to be the son of god but regardless of that he lived his live by the absolute positive embrace of his heart and soul and ignored what the others would say because in the end he knew.

And I am not Jesus but I am well aware that there is much more to this life than being a stif. I want to be a happy person and I want to spread joy through out all the world by any mean possible. I want to make an impact even if it is just slight.

I will end this with a few quotes that have inspired me greatly.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson"

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