Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Existing Is Purpose

Today I woke up at 2am. I feel completely disconnected from the rest of the world. While my reality has always been tittering on the edge. Lately, my fear is that I have actually already fallen off the metaphoric rocker. It is just more evidence of the clich├ęs in chaos. Seeing as I am well awake for the day, I believe I shall give my grandmother a call. I should call everyone in my contact list and see how they are doing, see if life is treating them more like candy or garbage.

I don't really believe life treats us in any certain ways or means. Quite the contrary I believe that life's so said 'good' and 'bad' are perceived by the individual to be so. The mere fact that we look at our life and compare it's so said 'good' and 'bad' with someone else's life creates more and more complication. Comparing yourself to others is a terrible idea. Although we are all human. We are all here for difference reasons. If you perceive that life is treating you better than others do you not start to get a false sense of security. And likewise if you believe that life is treating you worse than others you will become bogged down with a false sense of failure. And to be honest one person will always believe you are more of less than them. Why? Because perception is reality.

But I feel disconnected from everyone's. I feel like for so long I lived in a reality that I fully believed was the closest to true. And now I feel like a bystander of that reality. I feel as if I am here but only in body and my spirit and mind are somewhere else. My eyes are seeing the outside world and my ears are hearing it. And sometimes my lips taste it or even speak to it or about it. But I am not fully connected. I do not fully feel that sense of security I once felt. Is it because that security is gone? Possibly, but only in the event that I let go of that illusion and now am moving on to more illusions. Because life is a wall of mirrors. We see ourselves and everyone else from all possible angles. We can hear the same words from our mothers mouths and find comfort in those words while we feel discouraged and let down if those words are spoken by a peer perhaps. It's all circumstantial and all so very much a mind game. And 'knowing' this or rather believing this alone creates a new set of perceptions for me.

The more you think about thinking the less you will know. Because as one question is answered, surely to God another question will arise. This is the way of life. We are never one hundred percent. We will judge ourselves more than any other person. But we do not even have that right. We have no right to judge or compare ourselves. But how astounding it would be just to flick a switch off and never have the fear of comparison or judgment from another human again! Clearly, it would be a solution.

So imagine you have a switch. Imagine that at this very moment inside of your wonderful mind you have a light switch and the light switch is on. While it is on you are on full 'enlightenment' to your perception of you as compared to everyone else. Turn it off. There is no light that needs to be shed on your imperfection as compared to others. Don't judge and you will not be judged. I believe that seeing yourself as a part of a whole is more important than seeing yourself as an independent necessity to you. This is why once you have turned the judgmental light off you are going to walk into another room. A room with wall to wall mirrors. Much like a fun house. Some mirrors make you look thinner. Some mirrors make you look fatter. Some mirrors make you look short or taller. Some make you look more of less like what you perceive 'you' to be. But don't stand staring at one mirror for too long. For you become consumed by that perception of yourself. You start to believe that one angle of your life defines you. Not true. You are a part of a whole. Not one mirror image can define you. So put your hand in your pocket. Is there a rock inside? Yes! Well then take that rock and throw it towards all the mirrors. Break them.

Because while you have already turned off your judgment of others you are now stopping the multi angular judgment and comparison of yourself. So break those mirrors. One by one. Feels good. You are not defined by one thing. But by everything. Walk outside of your house. Do you see the beauty? Do you see the blue in the sky? Do you see the green in the grass and the trees? Do you taste the air and feel fulfillment. Do you hear the birds singing and wish you too could fly? You can. This world is as much a part of you as you are a part of it. We are not defined by one thing but by everything. We are all apart of each other.

And somehow now, while I am the only person awake in my house. I feel a deeper connection than I have felt before. Because I have explored my mind past the light of judgment and past the mirrors of comparison. While the world is not always beautiful and while it may seem at times that you are more or less than others you are not. We are all equal. We are all one. And we seek nothing more than the comfort of others. Whether it be in words. Whether it be in music. Whether it be in blogs you write to squeeze out the juice you've had inside your head for about a fortnight, we all seek comfort. We all seek support. We all seek a place. This world is us. We must start realizing that each and everything we do impacts everything and everyone. There is no action too big and there is no action too small.

Life is within you. So live. As you breath, as I write, as she listens, as he talks, as they sing, as he cries, as she smiles, and as they say good-bye there is life within us all. We are all just a part of a fluid. A fluid that is constant in its movement and reflective and changing. We are like building blocks. We build inside ourselves and onto ourselves and outside and beyond ourselves. We are life. We need to realize the impact of ourselves. See the good even in the bad. For there is something within you that another needs. Existing is purpose.


this was too small and close together for me to read. i feel old.

Posted by LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR on February 11, 2009

Wednesday - 9:39 PM

The New Sorrows (Jim McCray)

I like the blogs that are broken into paragraphs a little better xoxo

Posted by The New Sorrows (Jim McCray) on February 19, 2009

Thursday - 3:03 AM

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