Actually, that night I realized a lot more than just something. Yes as I had at first nearly stomped my way through most of the town it was apparent the sun was coming up. I was filled with a sense of joy. Just saying that I was nearly gliding through town alone watching the sunrise as I walked home makes me feel very warm and humbled. In aw. In aw of the world. In aw of life. In aw of myself and how ridiculous I can be. As I was on the phone I had talked my way through hours and inches of tears. Confessing and discovering things about myself. I found out that in my life more often than not, the majority of my problems have been seeds of my own garden. I started thinking about every issue I have with my placement. It's my fault. My fault that I have tried to make excuses or find replacement in people for others. It is my fault that I have blamed others for my discontentment.
For all of this is my own doing. I sit here now satisfied to knowing that. Satisfied and motivated to change. No more excuses. No more replacements. People are themselves and nobody else. The discontentment has been all my own for too long. No more. I will be happy. I will be honest. I will be responsible. Everything in life is a decision. A choice. Whether conscious or not we choice with every breath whether or not to take it. I think I will take it. I will breath in and I will breath out.
|LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR || |
| The New Sorrows (Jim McCray) || |