Sunday, February 15, 2009

Breath In, Breath Out

I had a mindful mouthful ready to write down as I walked home. But after days have passed I have forgotten much of the expression and emotions I was feeling. I was inebriated. I was warm from the fluid and rushing to get home. It was really really early. And I was walking alone in a town I know better than my mind. I could walk blindfolded and backwards without missing a step. I was in a rush. But as I cried on the phone to my best friend in the world I realized something.

Actually, that night I realized a lot more than just something. Yes as I had at first nearly stomped my way through most of the town it was apparent the sun was coming up. I was filled with a sense of joy. Just saying that I was nearly gliding through town alone watching the sunrise as I walked home makes me feel very warm and humbled. In aw. In aw of the world. In aw of life. In aw of myself and how ridiculous I can be. As I was on the phone I had talked my way through hours and inches of tears. Confessing and discovering things about myself. I found out that in my life more often than not, the majority of my problems have been seeds of my own garden. I started thinking about every issue I have with my placement. It's my fault. My fault that I have tried to make excuses or find replacement in people for others. It is my fault that I have blamed others for my discontentment.

For all of this is my own doing. I sit here now satisfied to knowing that. Satisfied and motivated to change. No more excuses. No more replacements. People are themselves and nobody else. The discontentment has been all my own for too long. No more. I will be happy. I will be honest. I will be responsible. Everything in life is a decision. A choice. Whether conscious or not we choice with every breath whether or not to take it. I think I will take it. I will breath in and I will breath out.


excellent, i would be greatly discouraged had you chosen at the end of all this to not breath. enough said.

Posted by LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR on February 15, 2009

Sunday - 1:40 PM

The New Sorrows (Jim McCray)

Oh, life just in general is a messy thing. But right now I'd say my tummy is the biggest problem I have to contend with. Wow. I think that may have been a double entendré or something... I mean that my big fat tummy hurts and is causing me to be up too late burping. Gyrrrrrrp. =]

Posted by The New Sorrows (Jim McCray) on February 19, 2009

Thursday - 3:02 AM

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